Then, I was browsing good old Facebook one day when I saw a post by Tory that she had been diagnosed with breast cancer. I was in shock someone my age could be diagnosed with cancer, but in my ignorance I was not as alarmed as I should I have been. I was sad for her, but I thought, she has this, they know how to treat breast cancer, she will get some treatments and she will be good to go. But I had never seen cancer up close. I didn't understand the treatment. I had no idea what she and her family were in for! I look back at myself now and think...what an idiot. Cancer isn't just a common cold that can go away with a little rest and relaxation. This is serious business and the person needs more support than you could ever imagine!
Tory was scheduled to have a mastectomy. I didn't want to bother her and her husband Matt at the hospital, but a friend and co-worker, Susan "Sparky" Irving, from Snow Valley Ski School told me she was going to be there during the surgery and encouraged me to stop by that evening after school. So I did. I snuck in food for Matt (I think it was In and Out, as Tory was treated at Loma Linda University Medical Center, a Seventh Day Adventist Hospital that doesn't serve meat or caffeine). It was this day that cancer changed my life and gave my life this amazing purpose and joy through all of the hardship and sadness. See, when I visited that night, Matt told me it was their wedding anniversary the next day and he wanted to make sure they could celebrate in the hospital so he sent myself and Sparky on a mission to make it the best anniversary possible. This request was the day that I became a cancer caregiver along with Matt and Sparky (and many others) to our beautiful girl Tory. The next day Sparky and I had a blast picking up a cake, flowers, decorations (unfortunately we had to let the latex balloons go, we should have known) and a picture of the most beautiful display of love I have ever seen, a picture of Matt holding Tory's hand as she slept in her recovery from surgery. Within the next days, I donated my hair to Pantene Pro Locks, did a cancer walk, watched 50-50 and regularly visited Tory. Cancer was already becoming a big part of my life. I was going to make sure I was by my friends' (Matt and Tory's) side every step of the way. When Tory was released, I would come by the house, make her dinner and watch movies while Matt was at work. We were rekindling our friendship and in turn changing each others lives. We had no idea what was in front of us, but we knew in those moments we had each other.
I learned that Tory didn't have the "common" breast cancer. Tory had Angiosarcoma of the breast. This cancer was extremely aggressive and rare. It was said to be chemo resistant and that the best prognosis was 5 years. We and the rest of our friends from as early as elementary school (Stephie, Kim, Jessicah, Trisha, Brie, Aerielle and Molly, eventually referred to as the Pink Posse) were scared to death by this potential prognosis but refused to be defined by numbers and with us, Tory and Matt's family, would conquer cancer together!
Unfortunately, while Tory lived a wonderful life, Tory passed away on September 11, 2013, almost two exact years after her diagnosis. After radiation and numerous rounds of different forms of chemo, the cancer was still spreading and taking over Tory's body. However, Tory did not lose her fight to cancer. In the words of the inspirational Stuart Scott, "When you die, it does not mean that you lose to cancer. You beat cancer by how you live, why you live and the manner in which you live." Well, Tory won!!!! She is finally cancer free and while we lost our friend on earth, we know we have all gained a guardian angel. And while I wish more than anything that Tory did not have to battle cancer and could have lived a long healthy life, I can't help but think of who I (and the rest of the Pink Posse) would be without the journey. A little selfish piece in my heart made me realize that Tory made me a better person, gave me a lifetime of wisdom and I would be nowhere I am the person I am today without these experiences. See with all these hardships, Tory and I learned to dance in the rain or snow storm (both mountain girls) and now that the storm has passed, I can see the beautiful mark it has been made on our lives. While we are so sad and there is evidence still of the devastation left in our lives, there is a rainbow, the dust has settled, the world looks a little more clear and a little more beautiful and the mountains have been kissed by a beautiful blanket of white snow. Sometimes we have to suffer great hardship to see great beauty and I wish it didn't have to be Tory, but even out of tragedy, good can come.
I really wanted to start a blog not to give a chronological account of Tory's cancer journey, but rather share what I learned in my experiences as a friend and ultimately caregiver for a young individual with cancer. I want to share, partially selfishly as I hope it will bring healing to my heart, but also in hopes that it may bring comfort to someone else with similar experiences. While I have no idea what it is like to have cancer, I want to share my perspective of watching someone you love deal with cancer. While I believe there have been great strides to educate people about cancer, as young adults, we had no idea what we were doing. Tory had a really hard time finding someone to relate to. Every body has a grandma or grandpa, aunt, uncle, mom, dad who has/had cancer, but Tory wanted to meet someone like her. Similarly, I found great comfort talking to friends who helped family through cancer (you know who you are), but it was so hard to learn how to help a person your age dealing with it. I was blessed with an amazing group of people (my Fullerton family) who did not shy away from me talking about cancer, even if they had never dealt with it themselves. I was also blessed with the Pink Posse, as we were in it together and learning how to help and cope as a group. But I know there are a lot of people out there trying to figure it all out on their own. I hope that this blog may be able to find it's way on their computer screens so they know they are not alone! Maybe it will only heal my heart, but the possibility that I could pay it forward and possibly help one other person is worth putting my thoughts out there....
