Tory Tuesdays

I was getting ready for work the other morning when Tim McGraw's song, "Live you like are dying" came on. I have heard this song a million times and sang the words, but the lyrics never really sank in. However, for whatever reason, that particular morning I realized what the song was trying to portray. As I prepared to sit down to write this blog, a million thoughts rushed through my mind and I became somewhat sad....why does it take us being told we have a limited time to live that we choose to live? I always thought I balanced work, school, family and life pretty well, but honestly until I witnessed and walked alongside Tory, I didn't realize how out of balance my life was. I had this opportunity to pursue a "second chance" at life and for that I have Tory and her beautiful spirit to thank.

Matt, Tory's husband, worked for FedEx and worked a late afternoon to evening shift. When Tory got home from her mastectomy, Matt was able to spend the day with her, but wanted to make sure she wasn't home alone at night. This worked perfect for me, I had work and school during the day, but I could come by in the evening. At the time I was teaching at Cal State Fullerton and working as a research assistant. I was also working on obtaining my MS in Kinesiology. If you know me, you know I am a little bit of an overachiever and have a tendency to do whatever it takes to do the best job I can and that includes studying most hours of the day. So, at least during the week, I tended to prioritize school in order to make sure I was best representing myself in the classroom. Well, my opportunity to go and watch movies and hang out with Tory was the biggest blessing I could have ever received! Tory taught me to stop, slow down and just enjoy life! Your life could be totally turned upside down in a split second, so why not live life to fullest now? Tory and I would reminisce, I would cook her dinner (a big accomplishment for me at the time, wasn't much of a cook) and we would just sit, laugh and watch movies. It was like the world stood still and all that mattered was our time together.

Tory's radiation appointments soon began. I made sure to attend her first appointment, thanks Dr. Noffal for letting me miss Biomechanics that day. I was impressed....it was like the Ritz Carlton in the waiting room. They had boiled water on tap (don't ask me how) for Hot Coco. I think the Ritz Carlton may be insulted that all it takes is hot water to make it "classy" but it is what it is. Well, I soon made a habit of attending appointments once a week and if there wasn't an appointment, I would visit Tory at least once a week. Because Matt had to work in the evenings, I would take Tory home from the hospital and I decided, why take Tory straight home...let's go on an adventure. This become fondly known as Tory Tuesdays and we had a Tory Tuesday almost every single week for the two years that Tory was on her cancer journey. Tory and I would go to the mall, go to dinner, get mani/pedis or watch a movie. Tory would sit and thank me for what I was doing for her, but what she didn't ever realize was what she was doing for me. There I was, midweek, doing something fun! Tory taught me to live, to laugh and to just enjoy life. Tory "forced" me to slow down and say no and people can attest to that, I didn't say no. Shoot, my old boss actually sent me to a "how to say, no" seminar just because he saw I wouldn't. People knew that if it was Tuesday I was going to see Tory and that was priority number 1. Well soon Trisha enjoyed in our adventures and let me tell you, they became that much better. We went to Medieval Times, sporting events, Color Me Mine, Rainforest Cafe and numerous others. Trisha and I would strategically plan our adventure for that week..Trisha I know I thanked you then, but THANK YOU! You brought so much joy to our weekly outings and I now have so many memories to reflect on. We truly made those two years count!!!!

Medieval Times 

Save Second Base!

I think living like you are dying extends beyond adventures, it is just your outlook and Tory had such a wonderful one at that. Tory spent a wedding anniversary, a birthday and the Super Bowl among many other days in the hospital. But what was amazing is that she, Matt and myself have positive memories from those days. When Tory was hospitalized, it was often on an upper level so we called it the "penthouse suite." The nurses LOVED Tory and Matt and I reaped the benefits. Loma Linda is a 7th Day Adventist Hospital so that means...no caffeine but not when you have nurses that love you... that means coffee from the nurses station. Every chemo appointment turned into a party and every single nurse would be hanging out in our corner just because Tory was filled with so much joy. The nurses would tell stories, just say hi and the snack lady would always sneak us extra snacks. Tory was the center of attention and not because she demanded it, but it made everybody's day that much better by just getting a "hello" and a smile from such a beautiful human being. Tory would joke, laugh and never felt sorry for herself. She was also an incredibly good sport about her situation. Tory was a little sensitive to the Benadryl that they gave her before treatment and by a little sensitive I mean, a lot. You could always tell when she had it because she would start scrambling, slurring and making up words, doze off mid-sentence and when finally asleep would do this crazy thing with her hands because of the neuropathy from the chemo. Matt and I would just sit and crack up...I know we sound like complete jerks. But the thing is, we would tell Tory what happened and she would just burst out laughing at herself. It was unbelievable, here she was getting chemicals injected into her body that caused these horrible side effects and she would laugh! Man I miss that smile and laugh. Well of course, her positive attitude didn't stop there. Tory started to lose her hair and decided she wanted to shave it before chemo took it from her....so she went to Salon Du Bois, which means her house+Mojitos+Me+Clippers. Yes, Tory let ME shave her head. But we couldn't just shave her head, it had to be something fun. So first there was a mullet that progressed to a mohawk that ended up with the numbers 48 and 5 being shaved into her head. Tory was a NASCAR fan and Jimmie Johnson was her man, so number 48 was a natural and Matt's favorite driver went on the other side. That night was a blast and somehow we were able to turn something so devastating into a great memory....that's how you live like you are dying. Well Tory wrote Jimmie Johnson and sent a picture of her shaved head and her moment of fashion greatness paid off, Jimmie Johnson sent a card with a signed autograph. It was amazing!!!!

Welcome to Salon Du Bois

Business in the Front, Party in the Back

Jimmie Johnson!

I know this blog is very long, but this whole topic brings back so many memories of my friend. Tory would have been turning 30 this week and it breaks my heart that she isn't here to celebrate. I miss this girl who had such a joy for life more than I could even express. She could brighten the room in the most extraordinary way. Like I said before Tory would always thank me, but really the thanks is all mine. I got to spend the most quality time with one of the most amazing human beings. I was given the rare chance to see life from a different perspective and had a slap me back to reality moment. I was given a second chance on life! And even now that I am pursuing my PhD, I know I have a tendency to get wrapped up in my "To Do" list, but then I think about Tory and do what I can to just slow down and live life.

Before I end this entry, I want to share one final story of Tory. Tory received an opportunity to go white water rafting on a trip called Raft 4 Life. This trip raises funds for Angiosarcoma research but is also designed for individuals currently on their cancer journeys. So, to keep them safe, they have medical personnel on site. Tory decided to go on this trip. She loved the outdoors and because of the extra medical personnel, she felt safe. On this trip, due to the drought, the river was more rough than usual, but that didn't scare Tory, it excited her. She was supposed to go in the "easy" boat, but she wasn't going to wimp out, if she was going rafting, she was going rafting. So Tory sat in the front seat next to her loving husband as they tackled Class 4 rapids and her smile stretched from ear to ear. Tory got back from the trip on Monday, had a chemo appointment Tuesday and fell into a coma late Tuesday night. That was the last adventure Tory did and for that, I am so happy! Some may think the trip was too much for her body to handle, I think it was exactly what her body needed. Tory was sicker than she let any of us let onto, myself included, but Tory needed to live! It is so easy to get caught up in doctor's appointments, chemo, and what you should/should not do for your health, but the bottom line is, what is life if we don't live? I was watching CSI Miami and surprisingly one of the most inspiring quotes came from the show. One of the characters had cancer and  said, "I was trying so hard not to die, I forgot to live." Tory could have easily said no to the trip, but Tory chose to live! This idea doesn't apply to terminal illnesses, it applies to life. Don't be afraid to roll the dice, to take chances and to pursue life. We weren't put on this earth to go through the motions and to become mindless, working robots. We were given this earth as a gift from God, why waste it? Life is a miracle, show gratitude by living. In the words of Tim McGraw, "I hope you get a chance to live like you were dying."

Happy Birthday Tory! I know it isn't until Saturday, but I love you and I miss you daily. Thank you for being my continual inspiration and feel free to kick me in the behind when I need a reminder to live.